Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
