I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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