I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
