toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
