Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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