The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
