8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
