he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
