My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
