OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
