why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
