I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
