If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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