She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
