something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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