Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
