i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
