Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
