you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
