I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
