if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
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Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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