idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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