I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
