Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
only if we run a train.
done.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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