sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He shit in the fireplace
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
