after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
