i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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