So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
