SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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