Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
