i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
