I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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