you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.