don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?