I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions