She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap