would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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