I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
