Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well I just put wine in my tea
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize