I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry about my life...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
