i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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