2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
