And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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