This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
