if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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