the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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