Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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