bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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