I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
