eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
