The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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