i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
