i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize