he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
