I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
