And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
