I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
