I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
