i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
