yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
