Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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