nut hugger
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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