If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
