we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
