My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
