What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
