I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
