we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Everclear isn't food dammit
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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